Frankly, many women we know find it easier to relocate to another state, switch careers, or run a marathon than get the right man to marry them! If this sounds like you, then you need The Rules! What are The Rules? They are a simple way of acting around men that can help any woman win the heart of the man of her dreams.
Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider authors of The Rules
The ‘Good Wife’s Guide’
Extracted from an article in the magazine Housekeeping Monthly May 1955.
• Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs.
• Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so that you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
• Minimise all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all the noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.
• Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
• Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
• A good wife always knows her place.
These are just a few choice pieces of advice from the 1950’s article (you can find the complete version on the Internet, just type in good wife).
I know, you don’t know whether to be scandalised or to laugh your bobby socks off. Perhaps the most common reaction is, ‘We’ve come a long way, girls’, but when I read the book The Rules I just wondered how far we had really come. This million copy bestseller dedicates itself to teaching women how to play hard to get and how to let the man think he is taking the lead in all things. And so the authors advise us: not to get sloppy about our looks and to keep fit if we want our man to ‘keep drooling’ over us; to end the relationship if we don’t get jewellery or some other romantic gift on our birthday; to be mysterious and act in a ladylike way; not to say much and let him do all the talking; to have interesting novels or non-fiction books lying around our flat so he gets a good impression (and to hide any self-help books!); to always show ‘utter contentment’ with him because he will desire us more and (just wait for this), to read newspapers so that we can talk to him about something other than our work or dirty nappies because apparently men ‘want wives who can fulfil them mentally as well as physically and emotionally’.
This view hardly fits with our concept of the confident and assertive love magnet and sex goddess; it sounds suspiciously like the Good Wife’s Guide to me. These old 1950’s rules are based around the principle that women are lost without a man and that snagging a husband (any husband it would seem) is our top priority.
Forget the old rules
………there is an unwritten contract between single people and their non-single friends (especially the ones with families) that states that you should be out there and living it up in the fast lane. If you are not an irrepressible life force, spinning around town in your hopelessly impractical shoes, then you are really exactly like them-only without a man. And that would be just sad.
Whether you are living it up in the fast lane or not and even if you love the freedom of the singleton lifestyle, there may still be moments of panic. When you are on your own life sometimes seems to revolve around twosomes doesn’t it? I remember walking in a park in Bristol pushing my children in a double buggy and everywhere I looked there were couples and I felt such a failure. To a newly separated woman it seemed as if the entire world was happily married, but of course this was far from the truth. I soon discovered that there were definite advantages to being single (especially after being in a bad relationship).
And if your biological clock is ticking and/or all your friends are pairing off, you might easily find yourself having the odd Bridget Jones moment. Whenever you feel alarmed by your single status just remember these two important things. The grass is definitely not always greener in the paradise of marriage, so enjoy ‘spinning around town’ while you can. And, it is more likely for you to meet a great guy if you just slack off a bit and stop trying so hard. Forget any terrible advice that is based on you putting on some sort of act in order to date and ‘catch’ a man. These old rules are based on such desperate thoughts as:
• I am incomplete without a man
• I need a man to fall in love with me
• I want to be just what he wants me to be
• I must get him to marry me
Any action you take whilst in this state of mind will not work to your advantage. When you find yourself musing over such words as ‘spinster’ or ‘left on the shelf’ just stop immediately and take a reality check. Remember that you are a fascinating and interesting woman who is independent and assertive. Because you respect yourself and have got a life of your own you are a strong and attractive love magnet. As a woman of taste and discernment you are never prepared to settle for less than the best in life and this includes your love life.
Copyright © Lynda Field 2015
Life coaching and confdence boosting at http://www.lyndafield.com
Adapted from my book, Weekend Love Coach.